Ever since the new year, this terrible, ominous rumor has been fluttering around, whispering in my earlobes and now I finally have to face (but never accept!) the truth: "Flatforms," as WWD and numberous other publications have dubbed them, are here to stay. UGH! Seeing the mere mention of this word on the screen has me literally shuddering with fear and disgust. Now, what exactly are "Flatforms," you ask? In a nutshell, Flatforms are an atrociously haneous emerging trend on the shoe scene attempting to pose as a fashionable hybrid betweetween a platform and flat. Apparently, shoppers have gotten sick of the constant release of ankle-breaking sky high heels and are demanding something more wearable. I'm sorry, but if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen... or in this case, shut up and pick up Louboutin's Pigalle Point-Toe Flats.
Dear Michael Kors, Derek Lam, and (gasp) Karl Lagerfeld: What the FUCK were you thinking for jumping on this train? You are all le incompetent and a complete and utter discrace to shoe freaks like me everywhere. I'm blacklisting you from my life, bye.
Ahh, my personal favorite. Because the flatform clearly takes first place in this picture. Hahahaha not.